I’ve been on a lot of dates. Like a lot. While I eventually ended up meeting the man of my dreams online I had to go on at least 20 online dates to get there. Which is why I write this blog post. Admit it ladies and gents, you’ve all gone through the same three mental phases I used to go through before meeting a date. While my nerves did get the best of me one time and I ended up cancelling, for the rest I learned to adapt tools to help overcome the stress and anxiety of meeting a virtual stranger. So let’s dive into my top three dating brain ninjas to watch out for!
Thought #1) “It isn’t too late to cancel”
The most common thoughts I used to have the day of a date are ‘”maybe I should say I’m sick” or “maybe I should push the date to tomorrow.” How a Wednesday date is is going to be less nerve wracking than a Tuesday date is a mystery to me but hey, no one said said the subconscious makes sense. Last fall my nerves got the best of me and I cancelled a date two hours before I was supposed to go. Yes, I am that girl. In the text I asked the guy if we could meet the next day instead. The guy text back saying I was the first girl who has cancelled a date on him and maybe this was a sign to run. He did follow it up with a smiley face emoji but still, the whole thing cast an awkward cloud over our first meet up and had me wondering the whole time whether he does secretly think I’m crazy. Since then I promised myself I would never cancel again. One method that helps me get over my dating despair is reminding myself in one hundred years I’ll be dead. It may sound a little extreme but it’s a coping mechanism my sister Brittany and me have used and joked about for years. Realizing you and your date won’t be around in a century has a way of bringing one back to life and reminding you that one meet up really isn’t a big deal. You will get through it just so just chiiiiiiiiil.
Thought #2) “Ugh, I have to look nice.”
Unfortunately most people label people who wear pajamas in public as lazy or troubled so unless you’ve already thrown in the towel on being a crazy cat lady you do in fact have to put on real clothes if you hope to find love. I”m not a lazy person. I pride myself on showering everyday and wearing a layer of MAC makeup when I leave the house. However there’s a difference between “done up” and “date done up” and I right?Since most people choose a generally good looking photo of themselves as their main profile pic, reaching that level of attractability a second time takes at least one hour or more in the bathroom. And guys are no exception. A really nice guy I went on a date with in December joked how he started styling his hair at 4:30 p.m. and our date was at 7 p.m! When you’re dating someone new you want to put your best foot and face forward. I would hope a person is less likely to judge my top bun and jammies six months into the relationship but in the early days you want to look nice for one another, at least that’s the way I approach dating.
My “I give up” and am married to Netflix look
My “on the prowl” look, rawr!
Thought #3 “Be interesting/Interested”
I am a naturally curious and optimistic person. I enjoy learning about the world and the people around me. However the routine and rejection that encompass the world of dating is enough to make even the Dalai Lama feel discouraged. Dating is work and like any line of work there are procedures one has to follow in order to achieve a desired result. As Carrie Bradshaw says in ‘Sex and the City’ dating is an interview with cocktails. In order to get to know someone better you have to ask life’s bread-and-butter questions “Where did you grow up? What do you do for work? How many siblings do you have? Do you want to be married or have children?” They may not be the sexiest questions but they are important. Before each date I used to make a point of reminding myself that although I’ve asked these questions what feels like a hundred times, this could be the last time. The next man across from me could end up being my husband. Can you imagine how sad and awkward it would be to ask him to repeat everything he told me three months later because I didn’t feel the need to listen on our first date?
Repeat to self “I will get through this”
So Surrey singletons understand that yes, anxious thoughts and lethargic feelings are normal before a date. The important thing to remember is to recognize the thoughts, ignore them, and go out and have fun. Meeting a stranger may be scary but it won’t kill you. Well, here’s hoping.
– Vanessa Ybarra
Pulse FM Content Creator
Twitter: @VanessaLYbarra
Instagram: @vanessa.l.ybarra